nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He shit in the fireplace
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
