You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
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