Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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