i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
