They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
