i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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