Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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