If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
