the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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