god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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