no, he came in my armpit
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
