I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
