i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
