I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
