Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There are leaves in my underwear?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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