This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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