seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
