She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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