Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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