Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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