dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
