I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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