Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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