so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
