I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
