she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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