I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
