That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
