First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
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