The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
