im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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