They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
