a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
