The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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