Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
