I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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