ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You ruined the universe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
