Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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