I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
