the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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