i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
only if we run a train.
done.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
