if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
