I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
