My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
