He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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