Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
