she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
