I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
