47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
