Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
