That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
