You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize