help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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