im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Quick, to the slutcave!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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