Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
