I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
NoShamevember. You game?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
