Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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