Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
