you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
