i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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