so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
