My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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