Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
